10 Tips For Dealing With A Picky Eater

Ugh…picky eating, there’s nothing quite as stressful and infuriating when it comes to feeding little ones!

In fact, I think many parents would agree that it’s one of the challenging parts of dealing with a toddler (along with those tantrums of course!).

If you’ve got a picky eater on your hands, you’re not alone. Even as a paediatric dietitian, I know the crushing feeling of throwing my hard work in the bin uneaten night after night, all while worrying whether my little one is getting the nutrients they need.

But, all is not lost! While picky eating is a very normal part of toddlerhood, there are plenty of things you can do to improve the situation.

Firstly, why do toddlers become picky eaters?

At around the age of 15-18 months, many toddlers suddenly start turning their noses up at meals they used to like, leaving their parents baffled and frustrated about what has happened to their previously enthusiastic eater.

This is something I hear all the time from parents of toddlers.

Babies who ate just about anything that was put in front of them suddenly become toddlers who seem to barely eat a thing. While this can be worrying and frustrating, the good news is that in most cases it's a normal part of toddlerhood.

There are a few reasons why toddlers often suddenly become far more picky about what they eat:

Growth slowing down

After the age of one, a child’s rate of growth slows down, which means that they just don’t need the amount of food they used to need when they were babies.

⁠Newfound independence

On top of that, more interest in what’s going on around them, and newfound independence can mean they’re less interested in food and/or they want to exert their ability to choose whether to eat it or not! ⁠

There’s not a whole lot toddlers can control in their lives just yet, but what goes in their mouths is one of them! ⁠

Inconsistent intake

It's also very common for toddlers to eat a lot at one meal and very little at the next, so it’s important to look at their intake over a whole week, rather than just one meal or one day.

When you do this, you might be surprised to realise they’re actually eating more than you think. ⁠

So, what can you do about it?

While it's totally understandable to worry about your child's diet and whether they're getting the nutrients they need, the most important thing to remember is that picky eating is very normal during the toddler years and usually improves with time.

Even more importantly, picky eating doesn’t in any way reflect your success as a parent!

Here are 10 tips to help you deal with your picky eater: ⁠

1. Parents provide, kids decide

Children are natural intuitive eaters. They know how much they need to eat in order to grow in the way that is right for them.

The ‘division of responsibility’ encourages parents to trust their child to use their natural hunger cues and instincts to decide how much and whether to eat, rather than attempting to decide for them. This applies at every stage of kids’ lives, from the time they’re babies through to adolescence.

Our job as parents is to be responsible for what, when and where our children eat. Our child is then responsible for how much and whether they eat. So basically, our job is feeding, and their job is eating.

To put this into practice, continue to offer a variety of foods at meal and snack times and let your child decide what they want to eat from what's offered.⁠

2. Serve at least one food your child likes at each meal and snack

When you serve a new or 'learning to like' food, serve it alongside a liked/familiar food⁠ so that your child always has something they feel comfortable with on their plate. This might be as simple as some banana or half a slice of buttered bread.

This allows you to feel more relaxed too as you know they will at least eat something (assuming they’re hungry!).

3. Eat together

Role modelling is extremely important for children, and if your child sees you eating and enjoying something, they're more likely to try it.

Eating together allows your child to see you eating a wide variety of foods, and also helps them to view eating and mealtimes as enjoyable experiences, helping to foster a positive relationship with food.

Don't stress if eating together isn't an option though, just do it when you can, even if this means sitting down for a family breakfast on the weekends.

4. Keep snacks small ⁠

Grazing or snacking too close to mealtimes can make fussy eating worse as kids just aren't hungry enough to bother with foods they don't love. In fact, what appears to be fussy eating can sometimes be a case of toddlers simply not being all that hungry!

Toddlers need around 5-6 eating opportunities each day to meet their nutrition needs, so including 2-3 snacks over the course of the day is a good idea - one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one before bed if they need it. But aim to keep snacks small and at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours before mealtimes.

Having a flexible meal and snack schedule can really help to make sure eating opportunities are well spaced throughout the day, with ‘time to eat’ and ‘time to get hungry’.

5. Mix it up

Toddlers can get bored with foods very quickly and will often refuse a food if it’s served two days in a row, even if they happily ate it the first time around.

While it can be a challenge to come up with new meals day after day, try to mix it up a little if you can - but don’t be afraid to keep it simple!

If breakfast is a struggle, try to have 2-3 options your child likes that you can rotate through so they don’t get sick of the same thing day after day.

6. Keep portion sizes small

Toddlers can get overwhelmed and feel pressured by a large plate of food which can result in them refusing to eat any of it.

Instead of serving up the large portions of food you’d love your toddler to eat, start with small amounts in manageable bites and then give them more if they want it.

6. Avoid bribing or bargaining

The old ‘no dessert unless you eat all your dinner’ strategy can be effective in the short term, but can also send the message that there’s something wrong with dinner while putting dessert on a pedestal.

Children can end up seeing healthy food as something to be endured in order to get to the end goal: the sweet stuff. So basically, it might not be the best long-term strategy for encouraging kids to learn to enjoy healthy food.

8. Aim for stress-free mealtimes

When you’ve got a toddler on your hands, mealtimes can become a battleground for all involved.

While it’s totally understandable, this tends to make the situation worse as kids are less likely to eat when they’re feeling pressured to do so, or on the other hand, they may even enjoy the attention they get when they refuse to eat.

Try to make mealtimes as enjoyable as possible for everyone and avoid commenting on or bringing attention to what or how much your child is eating. This not only helps them to feel more relaxed (and hence more likely to eat!), it also encourages a more positive association with mealtimes and is more likely to result in better eating habits in the long run.

9. Involve kids in meal prep and cooking

Most kids are much more likely to eat a meal they’ve been involved in making. While getting toddlers to ‘help’ in the kitchen can be a little stressful when you’re just trying to get dinner on the table, giving them simple tasks such as washing vegetables or chopping with a kid-safe knife can make a big difference.

If cooking with little kids isn’t your thing (and I don’t blame you!), involving them in meal planning or letting them choose a vegetable that goes into the meal can mean they’re that little bit more motivated to try it.

10. Don’t offer a replacement meal

When your child refuses to eat the meal you’ve made for them, it can be really tempting to make something else you know they’ll eat so they don’t go hungry (and potentially keep you up all night!).

But unfortunately, this teaches your child that by refusing a not-so-favourite meal, they can then easily get the one they would prefer to eat. There’s no real incentive for them to try something new or something they haven’t liked in the past, and they can end up eating the same meal almost every night. Plus, you end up cooking two meals instead of one!

Instead of offering to make your child a different meal, serve each meal with a ‘safe food’ you know your child is happy to eat.

And remember, not every meal has to be perfectly balanced (in fact, most probably won't be!). Expecting kids to eat a balanced meal of protein, carbohydrates and vegetables will most likely end in stress and frustration.

When to get help

As long as your toddler is growing appropriately (for them) and is otherwise well, fussy eating or an inconsistent intake is usually not a cause for concern. But in some cases, fussy eating can be more serious. If you’re concerned about your child’s growth, the number of foods they eat is very limited (i.e. less than 20) or they refuse all foods from one or more food groups, speak to your child’s doctor or a paediatric dietitian.